Nicole vs. Life
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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