My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
