Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
