someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
