I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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