i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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