What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
