She is in my trunk
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
As shirtless as possible
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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