Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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