Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
