Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
