so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize