She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
