Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
