he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize