Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
