Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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