i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
