We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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