I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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