You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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