So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
