i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
