dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
