Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
