Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
