Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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