This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
