thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
