At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
