what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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