She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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