Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
