evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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