I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
