It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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