What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just threw up on my dentist
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish you could order shots online.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
