i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
