woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
