The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
