Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She bit a glass in half.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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