You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
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