I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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