The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
