evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
