im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
