I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize