i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize