every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
