how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can't put those talents on a resume
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
