Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
