just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
