you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
