apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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