I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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