I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
