3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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