saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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