A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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