he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
