I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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