She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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