the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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