Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
