apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize