fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
